You determine your value--no one else - case study

When others judge you harshly, abuse you, terrorize youand treat you in inhumane ways, it is natural and common tohave a negative view of yourself.
It is common to feel less worthy.
After all, when we're told we're worthless and treated assuch for long periods of time, we just accept it as true.
When we're criticized, laughed at, called names, calledout for mistakes publicly, it can hurt. It can causedepression, social anxiety, anger, rage, and a whole hostof other destructive behaviors that further disempower us.
But the good news is that when you learn how tocommunicate with yourself on a moment by moment basis, whenyou learn the type of mental movies to keep running throughyour mind and how to do it, even a lifetime of low self-worth can, over time, possibly very quickly, be turnedaround.
You can learn to love yourself, to like yourself and tofeel worthy of even the highest acknowledgements andrewards in life.
Because in truth, if you're reading this, you should knowthis:
No one is better than you.
Sure, there are people who are richer, more talented insome areas of life, more attractive according to societiesvalues, have better social skills and who are more giftedintellectually.
But you have your own gifts and talents.
Enough to work with, to nurture and to grow.
The average person does not like themselves... even therichest, most talented, attractive, socially adept,brightest people often have the lowest opinions ofthemselves.

All that Money Matters!

It’s true!If you change how you relate to money, you will start to experience better prospects and a healthier outlook that will enable you to increase your wealth. Take on board the following wealth generating perspectives and you’ll start seeing a positive change in your fortune:1. Focus on abundance, not lack! If you moan about what you haven’t got, you’re placing all your energy and focus into creating nothing. The negative thoughts simply highlight your deficiencies and do nothing to start creating financial abundance. When you hear yourself complaining about not having enough money, stop yourself! Turn the negative statement into a positive one and focus your attention to abundance. It may prove difficult at first, especially if you’re always grousing, but stay resolute and focus on plenty and your fortunes will start turning round.2. Money is energy. Like the tides, it comes in and goes out and comes in again. It exists to represent the value of things in the world – and that includes the value you place on yourself, such as your experience, skills, knowledge and abilities. If money hasn’t been flowing as you want it to, look to how you value yourself. Do you have faith in what you can offer or provide? Do you have confidence in your abilities? Believe that you are worthy of reward. Believe that you deserve the wage, job or prospects that you desire. Raise your self-esteem, increase your value and your wealth will also increase.3. Contrary to what you may have been told or believe, money isn’t evil; it’s what we do with it that determines whether it is used with good or bad intentions. Being told that money, and the pursuit of money, is bad is full of guilt and envy riddled overtones, often spread by those who are jealous or lacking. With money, you can do great deeds in the world. You can support wonderful causes and spread your wealth to where it is needed. Be proud of your association with money by giving something back to society and realising that it gives you the opportunity to bring about positive change. 4. Don’t be precious about your money. Trying to hold on to your money or agonising over it and begrudging spending it reveals that you are too attached. This over-attachment can bring about fear resulting in lack or financial misfortunes. Don’t hoard your money or be tight-fisted. Let your money flow. Pay your way through life without resentment. Be more generous about your money and consider the intrinsic value of what you’re gaining in return.5. Give a percentage of what you earn to a good cause. Spread your wealth and don’t begrudge doing so. By sharing what you have, and giving away some of your money altruistically, without worrying about lack or hoping to gain something in return, you are demonstrating a healthy relationship with money while also trusting in yourself and the universe to create abundance all round. 6. Be positive about money. You may have grown up hearing many negative although perhaps well-meaning statements about money from your parents, friends or other family members. What is said often sticks in your mind and contributes in some way to your outlook on life. If you grew up believing that money is evil, that you need to guard your money, or that it’s hard to come by, this generates negative connotations about money that you are likely to carry through to adulthood. Only by re-programming those negative associations can you release the hold that money has over you. Once you are detached from money, it is actually free to start flowing to you so enhancing your prospects. 7. Believe that you will always have enough of what you need. Focus on abundance at all times, but in a detached rather than grasping way. Trust that the money will flow. Don’t let money, or the pursuit of it, rule your life because it isn’t necessary and by doing so, you’ll miss out on all the other riches that life has to offer. 8. Finally, be grateful for what you have and show or express your gratitude. By living graciously, and not taking anything for granted, you will be more appreciative of the abundance that comes your way.In summary, be positive about money.Focus on abundance and trust that you will always have enough. Believe that you are worthy of a great income and wealth but make sure you remain grateful and altruistic with your fortune. By changing your perspective and adopting a good relationship with money, your financial outlook will start to look healthier.So, what are you waiting for?Enjoy a prosperous life!

Backstabbers Lose!

Whatever are people thinking when they are two-faced? Are they really thinking that people are stupid and can't see the forest for the trees?When meetings take place surreptitiously, behind closed doors and blinds, suspicion builds. I was working with a finance department for a major agency. The director was well-known...and feared...for her supposed 'open door' policy. Loudly she proclaimed that anyone at any time was welcome tocome and speak with her in her office. She declared that she wanted open communication and everyone feeling able to talk with her. Sounds great. So, what was the problem?When a brave person would muster up his or her courage and take her at her word, it was likely that, in moments, the yelling voice of the director could be heard throughout the department, complete with language suitable for a gutter! Oh, but that was not all. Seconds later, the door of her office would slam shut and the blinds would snap. The hopeful employee trapped inside. And, the abuse would continue.When I was brought in to act as consultant, trainer and coach, my task was to create a functioning team from these nine people. One screamer, three middle managers living on tenterhooks and five subordinates afraid to speak or step sideways. Whew! You can believe that there were many days thatthose folks seriously considered sick leave!People enjoy power. Some people abuse power. And, they do it from fear. No one needs to abuse power when they feel secure, when they know they are competent and capable, when they have nothing to prove.Some people feel they have to stomp on and mess with folks in order to get a promotion. In some dysfunctional businesses, this is true. I was recently working with an executive coaching client who had a boss who wanted harmony at any price. He was petrified of managing conflict in his office. My client was bringing in great clients, with their money, but her subordinatedid not like her. The boss, in his wisdom, decided to release my client rather than deal with the underhanded and in-her-face behavior of the subordinate. All in the name of peace. Strange things happen in the corporate world sometimes.Of course, the opposite could also happen. The person who brings in the most money could be allowed to trample over the subordinates because the bottom line is more important than respect.A reader wrote to me about a director who plays power games. This woman calls meetings at inconvenient times and invites her favorites along. This requires folks to shift priorities, upset family plans and give up weekends just to satisfy this woman's whims. But she takes the abuse of power to a whole new level. Once everyone has changed their plans to accommodate her,she changes her mind, changes the meeting time, and the shifting begins again. What an incredibly insecure woman!Backstabbing, gossiping, greed and power games are a sign of an unhealthy organization. Worse, though, those who engage in these things are wasting vital energy and making themselves miserable. You might think that eliminating these things will eliminate you from the promotion ranks. You might think that I 'don't understand how the game is played'. Believe me, Ido. My question to you is "Are you willing to give up your integrity and peace of mind on a daily basis in order to play into someone else's misguided power games?" What is the real prize?Yes, I know, you need the pay check. We all do need to be able to earn our keep. How about this, though? How about you behave in integrity with your values and refuse to play? Wouldn't that feel better? Would you enjoy each day more? And, eventually, folks will get the message.Here are a few tips for you:BE THE APPRECIATORMention the things you appreciate. Comment on the things you like. Discuss what you prefer.William James, the father of psychology, said, "The deepest craving of the human nature is the need to be appreciated." Appreciation is cost-free. Move the things you like forward by talking about them. It takes almost no effort to find something you appreciate about each person you know. Just give voice to it. Guess what? You'll be appreciated.NEVER SAY ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TRUEWow! This one can change the face of the planet, let alone the culture of your workplace. Speak only about what you want to see happen, what would improve things. Focus on the positive and give voice to it.No, this is not Pollyanna thinking. That's why I wrote the book, 'What You Pay Attention to Expands'--because it is true. How much energy do you lose when you engage in the 'poor me' and 'ain't is awful' conversations? You're doing it to yourself.I'll bet you would not list gossip, backstabbing or negativity as one of the desirable values you hold dear . But, are you behaving as though that were true? Remember, your behavior is your belief and there is no way around that one!BE PRO-ACTIVEFirst rule of change: Be the change you want to see in the world. That's what Gandhi said and I believe it is paramount. How many people expect behaviors from others that they are not demonstrating themselves?Talk about what you want to create. Keep the buzz going about what is possible. Influence the culture of your workplace with your presence. Be strong. Be the voice for fair play and reason.Would that person who calls those meetings that inconvenience everyone be happy if it happened to her? No, she would be the first to complain. Would the person who runs to you with the latest gossip be thrilled to be the topic of conversation tomorrow morning? No, he would be outraged and declare it unfair. Would the backstabber cry when stabbed? Louder thananyone.Stop this nonsense. Just stop it. Refuse to play. It will soon end the game and, if not the whole game, it will end the game around you.I'm not talking about being a wuss, a doormat or a snob. This is about being in integrity with what you value, with being the person you most want to be. Use your energy, time and resources in ways that make you feel good every day. After all, it is your quality of life you're creating!There are risks. You may be happier. People may gravitate towards you and want to play on your team. You may become a leader and have the opportunity to demonstrate a better way of doing things.Of course, there are other risks. You may be seen as different and no fun at all. Some folks don't like people to rain on their pity parties! Or, you may catch the eye of the offender in power. Guess what? You'll be the one who is promulgating positivity. You'll be the one showing that there is another, a better way, to make it through the work day. And, they just maywant you on their team. Why? Because you are easy to be around.OK, now, do the math. You're easy to be around while sharing what's possible for the team, department or company. That has to be attractive. Hang in. Backstabbers lose every day. Not only will you be winning every day personally, you very well may win the day. Be a shift shaper!© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD